Amidst all the Sandman's nightmarish images, there's this dialogue about LOVE that's almost kitchy, but painfuly true:
"Love, it makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart, and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it, they do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inisde you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" or "How very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
IT HURTS. NOT JUST IN THE IMAGINATION. NOT JUST IN THE MIND. IT'S A SOULD-HURT, A BODY-HURT, A REAL GETS-INSIDE-YOU-AND-RIPS-YOU-APART-PAIN. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not Love."
-Rose Walker in the Sandman: The kindly ones
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm tired.
I'm so tired of hiding, pretending, and everything in between.
I'm sick of shutting up because as my friends know, I am Ms. Let-it-all-out. Even I am surprising myself with my will power to just keep quiet and have sleepless nights instead. Fact is, it's been too long. Even I think that it's been too long and quite sick for the matter. I'm tired of knowing how pathetic I sound already whenever the topic even just slightly hits the curb of what used to be. I steer clear, and pretend that it's gone. It's gone. It's gone. It's gone.
How did I become this person? Seriously.
I've never been one to have doubts about such a feeling that brings magic (yes, i've experienced it), wonder, and awe into people's lives. I can't believe I'm having second thoughts on risking possibilities, on backing down on fights worth fighting for.
I'm stronger than this. I know I am. And I haven't doubted that part one bit...but it doesn't change the fact that it/you/he/she is ever present...alive and kicking.
But I'm not angry. I never was, and I don't think I ever will be...which makes it even more difficult. Although, I am slightly amused (and not in a good sense) that everything seems to be going your way, no...I am not angry.
So here I am typing away at 3:45 in the morning, on a Sunday night (monday morning actually) I might add, waiting for the real Ms. Trina to release even just a little bit.
So here's the truth.
1.) I am tired. Truly tired.
2.) I just want to be happy despite/inspite whatever.
3.) It's not gone. Even if you are...IT...is not.
4.) I want/need a fucking soul vacation.
5.) I wanna get over this hump. REALLY REALLY.
and the last piece of truth which is the truth of all truths...
6.) If you want me, you can have me...because truthfully, YOU'VE GOT ME. Hook. Line. and fucking Sinker.
La la la la
Goodnight world, and once again...happy December 1st (LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN)!
P.S. To my friends, please be patient. I know this isn't really who I am, this isn't the person you befriended. My sincere appologies.
I'm so tired of hiding, pretending, and everything in between.
I'm sick of shutting up because as my friends know, I am Ms. Let-it-all-out. Even I am surprising myself with my will power to just keep quiet and have sleepless nights instead. Fact is, it's been too long. Even I think that it's been too long and quite sick for the matter. I'm tired of knowing how pathetic I sound already whenever the topic even just slightly hits the curb of what used to be. I steer clear, and pretend that it's gone. It's gone. It's gone. It's gone.
How did I become this person? Seriously.
I've never been one to have doubts about such a feeling that brings magic (yes, i've experienced it), wonder, and awe into people's lives. I can't believe I'm having second thoughts on risking possibilities, on backing down on fights worth fighting for.
I'm stronger than this. I know I am. And I haven't doubted that part one bit...but it doesn't change the fact that it/you/he/she is ever present...alive and kicking.
But I'm not angry. I never was, and I don't think I ever will be...which makes it even more difficult. Although, I am slightly amused (and not in a good sense) that everything seems to be going your way, no...I am not angry.
So here I am typing away at 3:45 in the morning, on a Sunday night (monday morning actually) I might add, waiting for the real Ms. Trina to release even just a little bit.
So here's the truth.
1.) I am tired. Truly tired.
2.) I just want to be happy despite/inspite whatever.
3.) It's not gone. Even if you are...IT...is not.
4.) I want/need a fucking soul vacation.
5.) I wanna get over this hump. REALLY REALLY.
and the last piece of truth which is the truth of all truths...
6.) If you want me, you can have me...because truthfully, YOU'VE GOT ME. Hook. Line. and fucking Sinker.
La la la la
Goodnight world, and once again...happy December 1st (LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN)!
P.S. To my friends, please be patient. I know this isn't really who I am, this isn't the person you befriended. My sincere appologies.
And big girls don't cry.