So here it is, a song dedicated to you.
Hear me sing.
Verse 1:
It was mid February.
Probably a Wednesday when you graced my life with your presence. You did it in such a manner that truly knocked me off my feet. I've always had that gift/curse of seeing the possible potentials in a person. I was too scared to admit it at first, admit that you had possiblities...but damn did you have them labeled as "endless". That intrigued me. You intrigued me.
I used to love beginnings, and I still do. It just leaves me with a touch of sadness every now and then when I think of how "we" began. As always it started fairly well. It was all hopscotch with no tears. It was friendship, but not really. It was you and me, and maybe an us...but well, not really.
I thought your stay would be fleeting, like a butterfly grazing its wings on a freshly watered flower petal, or the waft of wet soil in the morning after it softly rained the night before. But I thought wrong, and you stayed...and you settled. And I was happy.
Minutes, hours, days passed by and we were happy. I was happy.
We had our own little world from midnight till daybreak. 12 midnight was my favorite part of the day, and if you think about it...really think about it...that's the start of a new day. And starting the day by talking to you just gave me a surge of energy.
I remember you told me once that you actually didn't mind that it was really late at night that we got to talk. I didn't get to sleep much, neither did you...but it was fine. Truth is, I didn't mind either.
Chorus:
I was happy. (Wasn't I?)
VERSE 2:
Summer came, and I was happy. We were happy. Everything just seemed to fit. You, and me, and maybe an us...definitely an us. It was like waking up to a brand new day filled with rainbows and unicorns. I felt like a kid who owned a new coloring book which drawings were still black and white waiting for my little hands to use the red, green, yellow, orange, and blue crayola to color messily outside the lines. It felt like God saw my good deeds and finally said "This girl deserves something so spectacular", so he gave me you. Everything seemed to be perfect, and I liked it like that. Who wouldn't right?
I thought of you every now and then in different senarios. You know how in "my best friend's wedding", Michael had Jules on a pedestal and Kimi in his arms? At that time, I had you in/on both. On a mighty high pedestal, and yes...in my arms. I thought so highly of you. You seemed so wise, and intelligent, and funny, and suave. Your words, your ways, your maybes, and almosts got the best of me. I was addicted and you were the only type of drug that satisfied my craving.
Chorus:
I was happy.
Bridge:
Until one day, yes that one day came. When you realized that it just wasn't working out anymore.
Silence.
Neglect.
Until one day, yes that one day came. When you told me that there was someone else.
Inevitably I was crushed. I cried (though not in front of you), and I pleaded...but I knew I had lost. You know how you forsee the worst coming? I saw it heading straight towards me, I knew it deep in my heart that it, us, we were going to end...and I couldn't even cushion the blow with some sort of bubble wrap...I collided with it, head on like a car crash being reported on in the 6 o'clock news.
"FLASH REPORT:
Here it is people, on August 4, 2008 at 3:30am ...2 vehicles collided on the South Luzon
express way. The passenger of the red vios seems unscathed and very much alive, but
sadly the driver of the other vehicle...is dead."
Here it is people, on August 4, 2008 at 3:30am ...2 vehicles collided on the South Luzon
express way. The passenger of the red vios seems unscathed and very much alive, but
sadly the driver of the other vehicle...is dead."
That was 4 months ago. It's December now. And I have healed all possible wounds that you have created but they are still slightly raw, liked uncooked steak. And throughout those 4 miserable months I would ask myself why. Why not me? Why her? Was it real? Or was it just me?
Then one day I realized that the answers to all my stupid dumbfounding questions were right in front of the mirror.
The answer was me...and slightly a bit of you.
You see I realized that there was nothing wrong with what I was, who I was, and what I've become. I was and am who I am. But it really just wasn't me. Confusing as it may sound, I was and am just not what you're looking for. And I tell you I've accepted so many things for the last couple of months, but this...this truth took me awhile to digest. And finally there it was... an epiphany.
I wasn't the perfect piece that solved your puzzle.
And that was okay.
Bridge 2:
But here comes the ugly part.
I was never angry with you, or her, or anything remotely close to your existence. But now I am. How unbelievably angry I am with you.
You have angered me in a way that I never thought I would be in my entire life...especially not to you. You who brought me sunshine and daisies, and pixi dust, and oh...everything beautiful the world could possibly offer. But I was wrong. I trusted you too much, gave you the benefit of the doubt and here I am...crashing and burning.
For the whole time that I knew you, I have never written anything like this about you. I have never released such emotion that has withered my moral fibers and true test of character.
You are an asshole and a cheat. And you know it. I know it. We both know it.
I can't say that I'm not to blame either, because at the back of my head I knew you had her. Pictures, and captions, and rumors (sometimes) don't lie. The truth is the truth whether you deny it or not. It always comes out one way or another.
You used me. I despise you for using me that way.
Plus I never ever wanted to be "That girl". You know, "that girl" who he was with because temptation got the best of him. NO. I am fucking NOT that girl.
Sadly I wanted to be friends with you for so long which is why I agreed to it in the beginning. Stupid. I just didn't think you'd be with her.
Now that you're finally ready to be my friend. I'm not. Not like this. Not with the way you acted and treated me, and her. Oh poor her.
The last thing you said to me during our conversation was "Goodbye, friend."
but here's a little piece of news for you. No! No goodbye friend...
Just..."GOODBYE"
REPRISE:
It was mid December.
A Wednesday most definitely when you graced my life with your presence once again. It was also that Wednesday when I realized that this is just not worth it. You aren't worth it.
So here's to spaghetti, and your england football jacket that I loved.
Here's to "honey", and "pookie", and big kisses and big hugs.
Here's to "Yes's?" and the rhetorical "Nothing."
Here's to "Pinky swears" and "Pinky BLOW swears!" *I'll miss this a lot*
Here's to GOOD JOBS! and encouragement.
Here's to the rain, and to the word DAMN (God the way you said it always made me melt)
Here's to "I'm yours" and "Melt with you.", "Go Girl", "your body is a wonderland" and fucking John Mayer.
Here's to late night chats, and calls, and to the pursuite of happyness.
Here's to stories shared, and memories embeded.
Here's to talking on the phone till 5am
Here's to fireworks, and embassy, and sex and the city.
Here's to the suns and the spurs
Here's to "i owe you lunch" and "I'll come visit you soon."
Here's to you my almost lover.
Here's to letting go and my fresh beginning. A new life. Without you.
It hurts. Truly it does. But I don't need people like you in my life. I just have to keep repeating that to myself every now and then. Because as stupid and insane as it may sound. I'll still think about you.
Goodbye..."Friend".
*End Song*
Coda: Fades to black.
Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
So long my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should have known you
would bring me heartache
almost lovers...always do.
Goodbye my hopeless dream
So long my luckless romance
my back is turned on you
should have known you
would bring me heartache
almost lovers...always do.
Labels: .9, .freaking9