Anyway, nostalgia kicked in because of the situation my buddy is in right now, and all I could think of was... that used to be me. I know there are some tweaks and turns in the story, but bottom line... there was someone else. His story's ending hasn't been decided yet, I'm pulling for the better ending and not the bitter one which I got. Haha
More on the topic of L.U.V.
My best friend Fran and I decided that we would be each other's date on V-day. We had dinner with my family, exchanged a few stories, and then watched a movie entitled "Strictly Sexual".
The story goes... 2 girls hire 2 men to be their boy toys (if you know what I mean, wink wink), rules are made: hence the title, it's pure work no emotions blah blah blah...long story short, despite the rules... both parties fell in love.
I know the plot sounds like a typical chick flick type of thing, and I'm surely not going to deny it...it actually is. But Fran and I absolutely loved it to the point that it brought a few tears to our eyes. You see, I'm not going to spoil the movie for you incase you want to see it, but I love how the movie showed that there are some loves that really don't work despite and inspite whatever. It was rapid, and passionate...and seemingly perfect, but it just doesn't go the way you want it. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, it just comes to a point where you don't even have words left to say. On the other hand, there are relationships that develop in a gradual, "we're-still-unsure-of-what-we-feel-for-each-other" manner which in the end are the ones worth fighting for.
Somehow the movie made me sad, but allowed me to understand things even more. It got me thinking, and I've realized a few things.
I'm better now. Much better than I was a few months back, and I must say that I think about you. Not often, but I still do. I remember you every now and then because of certain hints like songs on the radio, or random words people around me say that you used to say, or dates...I remember dates. Small moments.
My biggest realization is that I've accepted the fact that I felt so much more for you than you did towards me.
Over the phone, my friend was trying to explain how he felt for this girl. Lines like "She's THE one", and "She seems to be worth everything that I've done for her." or "I can see myself with her...us together" blah blah blah, and I was thinking... My God I can hear the old me through his words at the very moment. I wanted to tell him, "Dude, you don't have to tell me, I know exactly what you're feeling". Because I did, I really really did.
It doesn't even matter somehow that in the end, you really weren't who you said you were... because I seriously thought you were the one for me. You allowed me to feel how it felt to like somebody so much to the point that I saw myself with you...sharing everything with you, and asking you how your day went. I saw the possibility that you knew everything anyone would tell me, because my secret would be your secret too and vice versa. I saw you in family dinners, and I saw myself in Christmases with yours etc etc. I felt it in my heart that I could introduce you to my relatives and friends and say "He's my boyfriend. He's with me. He's the one."
It's funny how I'm open about it now. In the past I would've been so afraid to say this out loud because I knew how freaked out you would be, and I knew we weren't on the same ground. But now it doesn't matter anymore, because we're really out of each other's radar. You're obviously happy with her, and I'm finally okay with being single without you. I'm thinking about everything now, and the phrase "No Regrets" still holds some truth in the end.
There are some things that I wish I didn't do, but truthfully, what happened made me stronger and wiser. I've come to a realization which points out the fact that we're really not meant for each other. That's just the way it is. I used to pitty myself and go "I'm just not the one for you", but now I think "You're not the one for me"...and that's really fine, no bitterness whatsoever.
I get it now. I really do.
Right now, I'm just waiting...because that's all I can do for now. I'm waiting for the day when I'll bump into someone, and feel the same way that I did for you but much more. And when that time does come, I'll be think of you in a way that I used to for the last time and say "Thank you. Thank you for not choosing me." In the end, I'll have a huge smile in my heart, and I'll be happy.
Yeah, that sounds good doesn't it? :) Let's make it a plan.
You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
Labels: .9, love-love, music., someday, summer, summer love, the future, thoughts, trina, what-nots