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LOSE YOURSELF.
Drops of Jupiter by Train
Now that shes back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey,
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there?
Now that shes back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey
Now that shes back in the atmosphere
Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way
But tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there?
Na na na na na na
Black Balloon by the Goo Goo Dolls
Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking about tomorrow
'Cause you were the same as me
But on your knees
A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon
That was your womb
Comin' down the world turned overAnd angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer
You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room
Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I'll go on to bring you home
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become
What you became to me
Sway by Bic Runga
Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better Of me
sometimes, When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say its all because of you
And here I go
Losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed its time
Tell you why
I say its infinately true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you
Cater 2 U by Destiny's Child
Baby I see you working hard
Wanna let you know i'm proud
Let ya know that I admire what you do
Don't know if I need to reassure you
My life would be purposeless without you
If I want it (got it) when I ask you (you provide it)
You inspire me to be better
You challenge me for the better
Sit back and let me pour out my love letter
Let me help you
Take off your shoes
Untie your shoe strings
Take off your cuff links
What you wanna eat boo?
Let me feed you
Let me run your bath water
Whatever you desire
I'll aspire
Sing you a song
Turn the game on
I'll brush your hair
Help you put your do-rag on
Want a foot rub
Want a manicure
Baby i'm yours, I wanna cater 2 u boy
Chorus:
Let me cater 2 u
Cause baby this is your day
Do anything for my man
Baby you blow me away
I got your slippers, your dinner
Your dessert and so much more
Anything you want,
Let me cater to you
Inspire me from the heart
Can't nothing tear us apart
Your all I want in a man
I put my life in your hands
I got your slippers, your dinner,
Your dessert and so much more
Anything you want, I wanna cater 2 u
Baby i'm happy your home
Let me hold you in my arms
I just want to take the stress away from you
Makin' sure that i'm doing my part
Boy is there something you need me to do
If you want it, (i got it)
Say the word and (i will try it)
I know whatever i'm not fullfillin' no other woman is willing
I'm gone fullfill you my body and spirit
I promise ya
I'll keep myself up
Remain the same chick you fell in love with
I'll keep it tight
I'll keep my figure right
I'll keep my hair fixed, be rocking the hottest outfits
When you come home late
Tap me on my shoulder, i'll roll over
Baby I heard you, i'm here to serve you,
this love you need, to give it is my joy
All I wanna do is cater to you boy
Repeat Chorus
Wanna give my breath, my strength, my will to live
That's the least I can do
Let me cater to you
Through the good, the bad, the ups and the downs
I'll still be here for you
Let me cater to you
'cos you're beautiful
I love the way you are
Fullfill your every desire
Your wish is my command
I wanna cater to my man
Your heart
So pure your love shines through
The darkness we'll get through
So much of me is you
I wanna cater to my man
Let me cater 2 u
Cause baby this is your day
Do anything for my man
Baby you blow me away
I got your slippers, your dinner
Your dessert and so much more
Anything you want,
Let me cater to you
Inspire me from the heart
Can't nothing tear us apart
You all I want in a man
I put my life in your hands
I got your slippers, your dinner,
Your dessert and so much more
Anything you want, I wanna cater 2 u
Melt with You by Modern English
Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world thrashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace
Ill stop the world and melt with you
Youve seen the difference and its getting better all the time
Theres nothing you and I wont do
Ill stop the world and melt with you
(you should know better)
Dream of better lives the kind which never hate
(you should see why)
Dropped in the state of imaginary grace
(you should know better)
I made a pilgrimage to save this humans race
(you should see why)
What Im comprehending a race that long gone bye
(Ill stop the world) Ill stop the world and melt with you
(Ill stop the world) youve seen the difference and its getting better all the time
(lets stop the world) theres nothing you and I wont do
(lets stop the world) Ill stop the world and melt with you
The futures open wide
(lets stop the world) Ill stop the world and melt with you
(lets stop the world) Ive seen some changes but its getting better all the time
(lets stop the world) theres nothing you and I wont do
(lets stop the world) Ill stop the world and melt with you
Ill stop the world and melt with you (lets stop the world)
Youve seen the difference and its getting better all the time (lets stop the world)
Theres nothing you and I wont do (lets stop the world)
Ill stop the world and melt with you (lets stop the world)
Ill stop the world and melt with you (lets stop the world)
Ill stop the world and melt with you (lets stop the world)
I'm Yours- Jason Mraz
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Scooch on over closer dear
And i will nibble your ear
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This oh this this is out fate, I'm yours.
IT REMINDED ME TWICE THAT I WAS ALIVE.
Drops of Jupiter- Train
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Favorite Line:
She Acts like summer and walks like rain
Black Balloon- The Goo Goo Dolls
Favorite line/s:
Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer
Sway- Bic Runga
Favorite line/s:
THE WHOLE SONG! This is my ULTIMATE, favorite song of all time :)
Cater 2 U- Destiny's Child
Favorite line/s: 'Cos you're beautiful, I love the way you are. Fulfill your every desire, your wish is my command, I want to cater to my man..."
"Baby you blow me away..."
This version is done by a very talented Filipino who calls himself "Passion". He's based in San Fo.
Go to Youtube to check out his other songs. He did a wonderful version of "True" by Ryan Cabrera as well as other mixes
Melt with You- Modern English
Favorite line/s: "I made a pilgrimage to save this human race..."
"I'll stop the world and melt with you. You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time. There's nothing you and I won't do..."
I'm Yours- Frank Hagen (Originally by Jason Mraz)
I saw this version in facebook which was uploaded by one of my friends (Hi Bebang!)
Definitely one of the sweetest songs I have ever heard. A very vital part of my 2008 summer song collection :)
Favorite line/s: "...I tried to be cool, but you're so hot that I melted."
"I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait, I'm yours."
"I won't hesitate no more, no more it cannot wait...I'm sure"
HELLO SUNSHINE.
T.R.I.N.A.
My friends call me Trina.
Some call me Trins.
I like pina colladas.
I love Tea/Coffee
Japanese food is heaven
I love taking pictures.
I love having mini-concerts all over my house which includes dancing in my bathroom, and singing in my shower.
That also means I love being a dork.
I love to read just because it's wonderful!
Powerbooks/Fullybooked/coffee bean is my safe place
My favorite place in my house is my bathroom
Two of my favorite words are STELLAR and SUBLIME (ergo stellarsublime_)
I'd skip a main course and go straight to dessert anytime.
I hate eating breakfast food if it is not served during breakfast time (Except when we eat in pancake house). Jess has got my back.
I have the best friends in the world.
I can't ask for a better family (Crazy crazy!)
I absolutely adore the rain.
I think laughter is the best melody.
I still want to be a mermaid.
Give me the dance floor and I'll rock the night away.
Oh and music...practically my life.
This is what you call randomness.
Anything goes.
RESOLUTIONS FOR 2009:
*BE HAPPY!
*Never settle for less than perfect (sometimes)
*Never settle period.
*Do your best in everything
*Love yourself first. Seriously.
*Be of service for others.
*Dress up and look good for yourself :)
Some of my favorite Quotations:
"I’m erased. I’m gone. I’m nothing. And then the world is free to flow into me like water into an empty bowl…. And… I see. I hear. But not with eyes and ears. I’m not outside my world anymore, and I’m not really inside it either. The thing is, there’s no difference between me and the universe. The boundary is gone. I am it and it is me. I am a stone, a cactus thorn. I am rain. I like that most of all, being rain.” --Star Girl
"Perhaps we give the best of our hearts uncritically, to those who hardly think of us in return." --Lucas Scott, OTH
and my all time favorite:
"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain...fairy tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten. " --G.K. Chesterton
In the NOW:
Date: 05/11/09 at 11:36PM
Currently munching on: Still nothing. Craving for: Nothing. Love drink of the moment: Cold unsweetened tea with 2 packets of Splenda Currently watching: Bride Wars Browsing through: Wicked by Greggory Mguire Currently feeling: Sleeepppyyyy In need of: a lot of prayers. Current plans: Accept. Control. Love. Ear Candy of the present: Patron (Tequila) by Paradiso Girls ft. lil John
Favorite Lines:
I'm feelin' so conceited (yeah! )
'Cuz everybody is giving me love (uh, uh)
I'm on Patron, Tequila (YUN LANG EH! haha)
Let's go!
Hey!
What's happenin'?
What you drinkin' tonight girl?
Drinkin' tonight with me!
Put your drinks up!
Hey girl
Where's your drink?
We goin' all get real drunk tonight
Hey girl
I got bud we can all get fucked up tonight (get fucked up tonight)
By the end of the night
Imma have you drunk and throwing up (hey! )
By the end of the night
Imma have you so fucked up! (have you so fucked up)
They said what you drinkin'? (what you drinkin'?)
Let me buy you a couple of rounds
And I said what you thinkin'? (yeah! )
I ain't the type of girl to get down
But I can party wit cha (uh huh)
And bring my girls aside (uh huh)
Tell the bartender bring the ice
And let 'em know I'm on Patron
I'm on Patron, Tequila
I'm drunk on Margarita [on Margaritas]
That Patron, Tequila [that Patron]
Me and my mamacita (yeah! ) [me and my mamacita]
Hey girl (hey girl)
Where's your drink?
We goin' all get real drunk tonight (get real drunk tonight) [real drunk tonight]
Hey girl
I got bud we can all get fucked up tonight (get fucked up tonight) [yeah]
By the end of the night
Imma have you drunk and throwing up (hey! ) [throwing up]
By the end of the night [oohh]
Imma have you so fucked up! (so fucked up! )
And now the parted heated
'Cuz I got a hot girl in the club
I'm feelin' so conceited (yeah! )
'Cuz everybody is giving me love (uh, uh)
But hold up, wait a minute (uh huh)
'Cuz my cup is going empty
I need someone to refill me
I'm trynna to get drunk (me too)
I'm on Patron, Tequila [yeah, yeah]
I'm drunk on Margarita
That Patron, Tequila [yeah, yeah]
Me and my mamacita
Hey girl (hey girl)
Where's your drink?
We goin' all get real drunk tonight (get real drunk tonight)
Hey girl
I got bud we can all get fucked up tonight (get fucked up tonight) [yeah]
By the end of the night
Imma have you drunk and throwing up (hey! ) [throwing up]
By the end of the night
Imma have you so fucked up! (so fucked up! )
Who wanna get fucked up? [I do, I do]
Who wanna get fucked up? [I do, I do]
Who wanna get drunk? (me) [me]
Who wanna get drunk? (I'm already drunk) [me]
Who wanna get fucked up? (haha) [I do, I do]
Who wanna get fucked up?(I ain't stopping them) [I do, I do]
Who wanna get drunk? [me]
Who wanna get drunk? (let's have another one)
I'm on Patron, Tequila
I'm drunk on Margarita
That Patron, Tequila [yeah, yeah]
Me and my mamacita (put your drinks up!)
Hey girl (hey girl)
Where's your drink?
We goin' all get real drunk tonight
Hey girl
I got bud we can all get fucked up tonight
By the end of the night
Imma have you drunk and throwing up
By the end of the night
Imma have you so fucked up! [Imma have you so fucked up!]
Put your drinks up!
Put your drinks up!
Put your drinks up!
Put your drinks up!
I'm on Patron, Tequila
I'm drunk on Margarita
That Patron, Tequila
Me and my mamacita
SWAY MY WAY.
Book/s I'm reading right now.
Wicked -Gregory Mguire// Shoeholics Anonymous
Books I love.
1.) The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
We had to read this for our LITERA2 class back when I was a senior in college, and I have to say that this book is unbelievably amazing.
Never in my life have I read a book that had tremendous power to move me to such great depths of my emotions.
I give it a five thumbs up! A real must read.
My favorite line: "For you a thousand times over."
2.) P.S. I love you by Cecila Ahern
A book that was recommended to me by one of my best college friends.
It's somewhat like the movie (which she and I watched together as well), but much better.
To those who are in the process of grieving due to a loss, I strongly suggest that you grab a copy right now.
It's not just a good read, but it'll also help you process your emotions and find happiness in the end.
My favorite line: "...There are worse sins in the world than learning to be happy again."
3.) Star Girl by Jerry Spinelli
A children's book that's made for adults as well. Recommended by my cousin who is an absolute bookworm.
It's about a new student in Meca High named Stargirl.
She's different. Intelligent. Quirky. and very much mysterious.
It's a book on belonging, conformity, falling in-love, and hope.
What's not to love about this book?
Books waiting to be read.
1.) Constant Princess -Philippa Gregory
2.) The Historian -Elizabeth Kostova
3.) A Swiftly Tilting Planet -Madeleine L'engle
4.) Sense and Sensibility -Jane Austin
T A G B O A R D
Just Like Gradeschool. Leave a message.
Ring-Ring-Hello?
9:09 AM - Saturday, April 18, 2009
I've been residing in the highly revered United States of America for more than a month now, and we've been going back and forth from NY, Ohio, Chicago, Indianapolis back to Ohio, then finally back to NY once again. And so, the weird thing is...I wasn't able to charge my phone since it died, because somehow the USB connector that has never failed me back home chose to disappoint me at the very moment that I needed it (I realized how much of a run on sentence that is).
Due to the heavy travelling, my mother needed a cellphone so she could communicate with her ever loving brother Tito Bot. I know it seems as if I don't have a point, but I swear I do. Haha.
So we borrowed Tita Baby's purple tinted cellphone (which my mother absoultely adores), and was able to call back home every now and then.
Whilst the whole family was around the table having dinner we were wondering how people functioned without cellphones. I mean seriously now. How do people even find each other? haha
I'm so tamad to elaborate, but think about it...how did people get anywhere in a stress free manner without cellphones?
Impromptu dinner in a fake Japanese restaurant (boo!) with 3 of my closest college friends. Starbucks and Ayala walk-athon adventures with 2. Superb conversations in between laugh-able inside jokes. Forseeing the near future and declaring little wishes and what-nots.
This made me miss college. You guys made me wish for a few more terms. Seriously. Events that took place today allowed me to realize that I'm getting to know you even more, and I absolutely loved it.
Messages for my 3 friends:
Ms. Number 1: I love you because you get me. I love you because you're really like my sister. (Last na, HAHA) I love you period.
Ms. Number 2: Just like my mum said, I wouldn't have survived college without you. I thank you for everything, because you deserve the appreciation. I love you as well.
Hey Mr: Don't go to EK. No girlfriends for you, because Ms. number 1 and I already have your heart. HAHA! Just kidding :) I missed you and I'm glad I got to talk to you again. P.S. Crush talaga kita ;)
To the rest of my college friends and blockmates: The same love goes out to you and you and you. Yehey!
It's tempting to stop everything When I'm pouring out to you So take everything, take it all from me Because all I want is you
A little something is better than a whole lot of nothing.
12:01 AM - Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The Rules for being Human
When you were born, you didn't come with an owner's manual; these guidelines make life work better.
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's the only thing you are sure to keep for the rest of your life.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "Life on Planet Earth". Every person or incident is the Universal Teacher.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation. "Failures" are as much a part of the process as "success."
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. It is presented to you in various forms until you learn it -- then you can go on to the next lesson.
5. If you don't learn easy lessons, they get harder. External problems are a precise reflection of your internal state. When you clear inner obstructions, your outside world changes. Pain is how the universe gets your attention.
6. You will know you've learned a lesson when your actions change. Wisdom is practice. A little of something is better than a lot of nothing.
7. "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" becomes a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that again looks better than "here."
8. Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something you love or hate in yourself.
9. Your life is up to you. Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of your life -- or someone else will.
10. You always get what you want. Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences, and people you attract -- therefore, the only foolproof way to know what you want is to see what you have. There are no victims, only students.
11. There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences. Moralizing doesn't help. Judgments only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.
12. Your answers lie inside you. Children need guidance from others; as we mature, we trust our hearts, where the Laws of Spirit are written. You know more than you have heard or read or been told. All you need to do is to look, listen, and trust.
13. You will forget all this.
14. You can remember any time you wish.
(From the book "If Life is a Game, These are the Rules" by Cherie Carter-Scott)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rule numbers 1, 6, 7, 10, 14, and most especially number 4...seriously haunt me.
Made you think huh? Good.
Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you. (Still the song stuck in my head.)
I talked to a friend earlier today (I mean really early), and somehow I'm not ashamed to say that our conversation got me to think about you and what was. It's been almost a year since you and I first exchanged a few words, and what-nots. It was sometime in February, I am very certain, when you made a comment about my avatar picture. And even though I knew you used a line as your bait... I took it wholey, and you reeled me in...entirely. It was sometime in mid March too that I somehow knew I felt something for you for sure. That I knew I could actually be with you.
Anyway, nostalgia kicked in because of the situation my buddy is in right now, and all I could think of was... that used to be me. I know there are some tweaks and turns in the story, but bottom line... there was someone else. His story's ending hasn't been decided yet, I'm pulling for the better ending and not the bitter one which I got. Haha
More on the topic of L.U.V.
My best friend Fran and I decided that we would be each other's date on V-day. We had dinner with my family, exchanged a few stories, and then watched a movie entitled "Strictly Sexual".
The story goes... 2 girls hire 2 men to be their boy toys (if you know what I mean, wink wink), rules are made: hence the title, it's pure work no emotions blah blah blah...long story short, despite the rules... both parties fell in love.
I know the plot sounds like a typical chick flick type of thing, and I'm surely not going to deny it...it actually is. But Fran and I absolutely loved it to the point that it brought a few tears to our eyes. You see, I'm not going to spoil the movie for you incase you want to see it, but I love how the movie showed that there are some loves that really don't work despite and inspite whatever. It was rapid, and passionate...and seemingly perfect, but it just doesn't go the way you want it. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, it just comes to a point where you don't even have words left to say. On the other hand, there are relationships that develop in a gradual, "we're-still-unsure-of-what-we-feel-for-each-other" manner which in the end are the ones worth fighting for.
Somehow the movie made me sad, but allowed me to understand things even more. It got me thinking, and I've realized a few things.
I'm better now. Much better than I was a few months back, and I must say that I think about you. Not often, but I still do. I remember you every now and then because of certain hints like songs on the radio, or random words people around me say that you used to say, or dates...I remember dates. Small moments.
My biggest realization is that I've accepted the fact that I felt so much more for you than you did towards me.
Over the phone, my friend was trying to explain how he felt for this girl. Lines like "She's THE one", and "She seems to be worth everything that I've done for her." or "I can see myself with her...us together" blah blah blah, and I was thinking... My God I can hear the old me through his words at the very moment. I wanted to tell him, "Dude, you don't have to tell me, I know exactly what you're feeling". Because I did, I really really did.
It doesn't even matter somehow that in the end, you really weren't who you said you were... because I seriously thought you were the one for me. You allowed me to feel how it felt to like somebody so much to the point that I saw myself with you...sharing everything with you, and asking you how your day went. I saw the possibility that you knew everything anyone would tell me, because my secret would be your secret too and vice versa. I saw you in family dinners, and I saw myself in Christmases with yours etc etc. I felt it in my heart that I could introduce you to my relatives and friends and say "He's my boyfriend. He's with me. He's the one."
It's funny how I'm open about it now. In the past I would've been so afraid to say this out loud because I knew how freaked out you would be, and I knew we weren't on the same ground. But now it doesn't matter anymore, because we're really out of each other's radar. You're obviously happy with her, and I'm finally okay with being single without you. I'm thinking about everything now, and the phrase "No Regrets" still holds some truth in the end.
There are some things that I wish I didn't do, but truthfully, what happened made me stronger and wiser. I've come to a realization which points out the fact that we're really not meant for each other. That's just the way it is. I used to pitty myself and go "I'm just not the one for you", but now I think "You're not the one for me"...and that's really fine, no bitterness whatsoever.
I get it now. I really do.
Right now, I'm just waiting...because that's all I can do for now. I'm waiting for the day when I'll bump into someone, and feel the same way that I did for you but much more. And when that time does come, I'll be think of you in a way that I used to for the last time and say "Thank you. Thank you for not choosing me." In the end, I'll have a huge smile in my heart, and I'll be happy.
Yeah, that sounds good doesn't it? :) Let's make it a plan.
You're like an Indian summer In the middle of winter Like a hard candy With a surprise center How do I get better Once I've had the best You said there's Tons of fish in the water So the waters I will test
I just finished watching the movie "Failure to Launch" (2006), and I just have to say that the soundtrack is the cutest :)
My mum and I also just bonded a bit over what women supposedly do best... "cooking". I helped her mash, dice, cut, grate, etc. various food components to create a culinary masterpiece (It's actually just pizza pandesal, banana pancakes, lentejas soup, and adobo). Now I'm trying to relax with half a martini glass filled with red wine though it's 1:43 in the afternoon. Haha. Somehow red wine reminds me of one of the sexiest songs I've ever heard (Love in this club part 1 by Usher).
Another one of those friday nights are coming up with the barkada hanging out here in my house.
Invite: Hello Friends! Save this Frdiay for alcohol and Karaoke over at my house. Friends, Food, and Drinks are welcome. See you at 8ish! BE THERE!!!! :)
Hahaha See you girlies and boyz this fuhriday!
Now let's all be quite cute and sing along.
and one more just because I think it's really sexy.
I found this "song" in my bestfriend's old journal dated Feb 7, 2005, and boy did it make me laugh.
Hello fellow Titans, sing along with me (I think it's pretty obvious that it's sung to the tune of Ligaya by the Eraserheads).
SONG TITLE: Fourtworitis
Verse 1:
Ilang leksyon pa ba ang aaralin o’ guro ko? Ilang Kcals p ba ang susunugin o’ Elay ko. Sampung araw na akong walang tulog dito Di na matago ng concealer mga eyebags ko
* Makagraduate lang kami’t makapasa walang humpay na LIGAYAAAAA…
Chorus 1: Aasahang mamimiss ko ang nanay namin na pangalan ay Lorna Mahabang mga kwento ni Ms. Ima Pati ang art classes ni Ms. Atienza At mamimiss ko ang kulitan at asran para kay Aurea.
Verse 2:
Ilang awit pa ba ang aawitin, Januarius ko? Ilang bola pa ba ang iiwasan o’ Alan ko? Tatlong oras na kaming nakaupo dito, Nabubuking kaming lahat ng mga guro ko.
Repeat * (Makagraduate lang kami’t makapasa walang humpay na LIGAYAAAAA…)
aasahang mamimiss ang mga Turong LesMis ni Mrs. Eala, Pati narin ang research paper namin, Na kayhirap ipaaprove at iproof read ni Mrs. Villalon.
Ilang hirit pa ba ang hihiritin o’ Benjie ko? Ilang Lab work pa ba ang gagawi-in Ms. Bascug ko? Mga equations ni Sr. Boyet at ni “Ms. Toto” Dahil dito nauubos na ang pad paper ko
Repeat * (Makagraduate lang kami’t makapasa walang humpay na LIGAYAAAAA…)
aasahang mamimiss ko si Sr. Callueng at ang computer lab. Na palaging may virus pag nandoon. Mamimiss ko ang pagkanta ng ALWAYS At walang tigil na kulitan at asaran para kay jz!
Oh Highschool, how I sometimes miss you :)
Tatlong oras na akong nagpapacute sayo Di mo man lang pinapansin ang bagong T-shirt ko.
First off, I'm craving for sparkling white wine. But that's besides the point. Here we go.
There's something comforting and refreshing about reading other people's blogs. I guess in a way it makes me realize that sometimes I'm not the only who feels up or down or high or low regarding life, love and what not. Knowing that someone else out there feels the exact same way, though maybe through a different experience, makes the experience bearable and worth remembering.
Good writers fascinate me a lot. The way the use words to express feelings, create pictures, paint murals of everyday events makes me want to hone my writing skills as well.
I came across this saying just a few seconds ago:
Learn from mistakes
"So, I learn from my mistakes. It's a very painful way to learn, but without pain, the old saying is, there's no gain. I found that to be true in my life. You miss a lot of opportunities by making mistakes, but that's part of it: knowing that you're not shut out forever, and that there's a goal you still can reach."
- Johnny Cash
After reading it twice, I smiled a smile that I secretly share with myself. It gave me a boost of strength. Learning from mistakes allows you to accept and let go, and then hope comes in and saves you from doubting and wallowing.
There really is beauty in the breakdown.
Life has shown me that over and over, again and again.
So here is to making more mistakes, and learning from them. Here's to getting hurt, and then healing completely Here's to having your heart broken, and finding someone to put the pieces back together again. Here's to losing yourself, and then eventually finding your true meaning in life. Here's to the past, which helped make your future better.
Here's to my faulty 2008 which helped pave my way to my "fresh" beginning in 2009. Here's to you, and here's to me.
New year, New life =)
Let's make it better.
Now, pass the white wine please.
I don't know why I don't need a reason When I look your eyes, my heart stops beating And I've finally found something worth to put me through And I won't give up until I stop breathing
I've been watching OTH non-stop since the beginning of December. There's really something about this show that captures my heart in more ways than one.
5x12: HUNDRED, is one of my favorite episodes.
"Lucas, you can't! I'm sorry, I'm sorry but you just can't because I love you. And because you fixed my car! Remember that day? Because that day changed everything. And I just, I didn't know it at that time. But when you fixed my car...you fixed my heart. And when you proposed to me two years ago I just wasn't ready. And I was lost, and scared, so I said someday...but someday's now Luke, it is. Someday is now, and I love you. Please don't leave me again. People always leave."
Hay hay hay. Nakakakilig talaga :)
La la la!
We made plans to grow old, Believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told. Lost in a simple game cat and mouse remain the same Are we the same people as before this came to light?
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
11:17 PM - Thursday, January 1, 2009
I feel so compelled to write an entry just because it's the very first day of 2009. So unbelievably coerced that I actually can't find the right words which will perfectly express how I feel now that the ending of something which I thought would be wonderful has arrived. It is finally the start of something new, possibly exciting, definitely different.
I won't force myself any longer.
Hello 2009. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking When I hear the silly things that you say. I think somebody better put out the big light, 'Cause I can't stand to see you this way.
...I've got a couple of musicals that can fall under the "LSS" category.
"Racing on the thunder And rising with the heat It's gonna take a Superman To sweep me off my feet I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night." -Holding out for a hero: Footloose the Musical
"Hands touch, Eyes meet Sudden silence, sudden heat Hearts leap in a giddy whirl He could be that boy. I'm not that girl." -I'm not that girl: Wicked
"When I see depressing creatures With unprepossessing features I remind them on their own behalf To think of Celebrated heads of state or Specially great communicators Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were popular! Please- It's all about popular! It's not aptitude It's the way you're viewed So it's very shrewd to be Very very popular Like me!" -Popular: Wicked
"Since I was two or three My life planned out neat I'd get my law degree And then win my senate seat. A big white house back east All of the amenities Three kids at least, just like the Kennedys" -Serious: Legally Blonde the Musical
"No! that's the chip on my shoulder I hugged my mom and I told her With the chance I've been given I'm gonna be driven as hell
Though I can't take the day off I just think of the payoff You need a chip on your shoulder Little Miss Woods comma Elle" -Chip on my shoulder: Legally Blonde the Musical
"Living in the ghetto black is everywhere you go who would've thought I'd love a girl who's skin as white as winter snow
In my ivory tower life was just a hostess snack but now I've tasted chocolate and I'm never going back" -Without Love: Hairspray the Musical
"And she sighs, and she swoons and she's hummin' little tunes Even has a sorta glow What on earth could it be? Any hammerhead can see! That sigh! That glow! That swoon! Oh, no! She's in love!" -She's in love: Little Mermaid the Musical
"I don't need any lifetime comitements I don't need to get hitched tonight. I don't want to throw up your walls and defenses I don't mean to put on any pressure But I know when a thing is right And I spend every day reconfiguring my senses.
When we get to my house, take a look at that town Take a look at how far I've gone i will never go back Never look back anymore And it feels like my life led right to your side and will keep me there from now on Think about what you wanted Think about what could be Think of how I love you Say you'll move in with me Think of what's great about me and you Think of the bullshit we've both been through Think of what's past because we can do better! We can do better! We can do better than that! -We can do better than that: The Last Five Years
I can't wait to go to New York and watch them live on broadway. MUSICALS ARE ABSOLUTE LOVE. Case closed.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Break up with someone. Cry non stop for 3 hours. haha
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember my new years resolution/s. And yes, I will make more for next year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? hmmm...nope
4. Did anyone close to you die? Not so close.. Lola Ging and Lolo Dad. -Same. As well as Marice's Dad and Tito Philip's sister
5. What countries did you visit? Philippines. haha
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Motivation. Something/anything that is productive that I can do. I'm tired of being a bum. Seriously.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 12- :(, March 13- "Damnit", August 8, June 14- My birthday celebration, December 10.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Graduating! :)
9. What was your biggest failure? Biochem! hahaha what a frustrating subject. And losing myself.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope. Except for that one time when my body temperature shot up to 41
11. What was the best thing you bought? I didn't shop much this year. But I guess dresses and shoes.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Hahaha not much.
13. Whose behaviour appalled you and made you depressed? Too many to mention. Seriously.
14. Where did most of your money go? Christmas gifts. haha
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Summer :)
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? My summer songs, Love in this club part 1, Thunder, I'm yours, Almost lover, Leavin', Bleeding Love, Always be my baby (David cook), a lot more.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? --> Definitely sadder. ii. thinner or fatter? --> Fatter!!!!! iii. richer or poorer? --> Poorer. :(
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Think.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Think.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? With the Lorenzanas in Diliman and the Fernandezs at home.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008? Nope.
23. How many one-night stands? --
24. What was your favourite TV program? How I met your mother, Gossip girl, One Tree Hill.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No one.
26. What was the best book you read? The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? We the Kings, FM Static, Yellowcard
28. What did you want and get? Zip folder to back up my files.
29. What did you want and not get? A fan? haha
30. Favorite film of this year? Sex and the city.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 21. I spent it with my days family, my family, and my best friends :)
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I'll just keep my mouth shut :)
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? More grown up.
34. What kept you sane? Jess, My friends!!!!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Shea lebouf :)
36. What political issue stirred you the most? US presidential elections
37. Who did you miss? Missed Ats when she was in Davao! -Same here :)
38. Who was the best new person you met? Everyone was "best" in their own way.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Change is inevitable. Acceptance is the key to moving on.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. It can not wait, I'm yours// You know all you gotta do is tell me what you're sipping on. And I promise that I'm gonna keep it comin' all night long.// Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer (you'll always be my thunder)// Goodbye my almost lover.//Take one step at a time.
I wanna see you move move shake shake now drop (what your momma said) Move move shake shake now drop (what your daddy said) Move move shake shake now drop (what your sista said) Move move shake shake now drop drop drop drop
I browse through my previous entries and have realized that I used this adjective for the most part of the year.
Amazed at how life has brought me to where I am. Amazed at how one relationship filled with love and happiness can end just like that. Amazed at how someone can turn me inside, out and back again. Amazed at how I turned into who I am right now. Amazed at how my friends make me feel for always being there and being true. Amazed at how I realized that finding yourself is one of the most important lessons in life. Amazed at how change is inevitable, how change is the one thing that will never change.
I am stunned by the perplexity and simplicity of this one thing that is constant.
Everytime I think about it I zone out for a good 30 minutes or so and drown in my thoughts. I think and think, and think. But mostly I feel too. And sometimes it's too much to bear that I feel like I'm about to burst. I overthink. That's what it is.
Someone once told me that you shouldn't think, because thinking kills.
I guess that saying holds some truth till some extent. But I think about it (how ironic), and I realize that I'd rather think my head off and overanalyze every single word said, every underlying meaning attached to each and every sentence and understand the truth of truths in the end than skip the whole process of breaking in two just to get to the end faster.
I'd rather take the long road, smell the roses, watch the sunset and all that hullaballo than miss the scenes and not take anything from it at all.
So I think once more, and have come to the conclusion that 2008 has not been my year. At least for the most part it's been crappy, and miserable. And inspite how much easier it is to just dwell in the sadness, I don't want it to end with me broken.
I want this year to end on a positive note. I really really really do.
So I'm goingto skip all my material wish list, and once more recall the question I asked myself sometime in June.
TRINA, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I told you I'd get back to you when I find the answer. And I have.
I want happiness. I want to find happiness in my everyday life.
This Christmas, that will be the absolute best gift anyone can ever give me.
That is the absolute best gift that I can give myself.
So next year, when this season comes around once more and I look back on my previous entries, I can say that I have changed because it really is inevitable. I can say that I have changed for the better. I can say that I am finally amazed at how happy I turned out to be.
That will be my new declaration.
Happiness. Because in the end, that's what really counts right?
I've got an angel She doesn't wear any wings She wears a heart that can melt my own She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing She gives me presents With her presence alone She gives me everything I could wish for She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home
I want you and you and nothing but you. Miles and piles of...you.
7:05 PM - Sunday, December 14, 2008
I've been up for 14 hours straight with only 3 hours of sleep under my belt. It's been the same old story for weeks now. Girl is tired. Girl thinks too much. Girl can't sleep. I groggily stare at my laptop's screen as my fingers do the typing for me.
As usual, I have my after dinner tea to give me some comfort. Tonight the prime choice is Chai Black Spice Tea with a hint of honey and a few spoon fulls of milk (no splenda). I find it somehow amusing that I get to think better with just a whiff of the spice emanating from my steaming mug. It's not just the normal mug, it's a big ass mug just like the ones in Central Perk (From F.R.I.E.N.D.S.). It was given to me by our club moderator in highschool which is why it holds so many memories for me.
So I take a sip, and I think. I think. I think. and finally I've thought enough. I've been so tired lately. It feels like I've been moving around so much, but in reality I've done nothing but sit motionless watching life pass me by.
Within my sipping tea and scanning surfthechannel, I have realized that there are so many decisions to be made. Lord knows that I have made so many choicse this year which were strongly disapproved by many. The whole world rolled their eyes at me as I made (and keep making) the same mistake over and over, again and again despite knowing what I will see as I approach the finish line. I've always known what was waiting for me in the end, I was just too stubborn to acknowledge it.
Now...now I need to do so. I need to accept, acknowledge, and make a stand. Sometimes it's not the making a stand that's hard...it's the sticking to it part that gets to you. That's the part that makes you fall of the wagon after weeks of avoiding all that is pure and evil.
So here it is. A choice that I have to make in the right now.
Trina, what's your stand?
...Got it?
Now stick to it. Hold on tight. And don't ever let go.
Besides Christmas, one of my favorite holidays would just have to be Thanksgiving.
There's just something about THANKSGIVING that gets me all excited. Everytime the last Thursday of November comes our family always has a special thanksgiving dinner. NO we are NOT American (feeling lang. haha), but we do it every single year if I remember correctly. Eversince I was around 7.
It started because of my Lola's sister (Tita Doya). We resided with her in Philadelphia for a couple of days, and she would always prepare wonderful dinners. One night in the middle of April, she decided that a thanksgiving feast was proper. And so she did all the preparing, cooking, bought a huge ass turkey, cranberries, yams, etc etc. and we had thanksgiving in the middle of summer. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. That's why whenever we go visit, we would always have thanksgiving dinner disregarding what the actual time of year it was.
So tonight (being the last thursday of November and all) we had a superb thanksgiving dinner. We had roast chicken (no turkey, it was too huge), carrots cooked in honey, candied yams with marshmallows, bread stuffing, mashed potatoes, exceptionally good gravy, roasted garlic which accompanied our toasted sourdough, white rice, and a bottle of magnolia's mango orange juice. For dessert we had either the yams, or vanilla ice cream with caramelized saba (my favorite!) and a cup of milk tea (for my parents) and chai tea with milk and splenda for me.
It was truly d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s!
Now that I'm unbelievably full, and about to go to sleep I suddenly think about what I am truly thankful for. There's a lot to think about despite all the drama. I know that we are all truly blessed. It's just something I have to think about every now and then to remind myself that I'm okay. And like I said, being the last thursday of November and all, today might be the perfect opportunity to do just that.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY! :)
Big hugs and kisses.
P.S. I'm watching "Twilight" again with my mum tomorrow. That's something to be thankful about right? Haha. Oh Edward indeed.
You're a good man Charlie Brown (A sort of fairytale).
11:25 PM - Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Title: You're a good man Charlie Brown (A sort of fairytale).
Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived in a far far away land. A land where there were dragons, and ogres, and witches and warlocks, and all sorts of evil creatures.
Every now and then the princess would encounter these monsters, and sadness would come. But her mother would always find ways to make her happy. Like buy her new gowns or, give her a a brand new pony, or a new set of multi-colored staedtler pens (haha) etc. etc.
One day, the princess encountered a different kind of monster. A beautiful one, who was bi-pedal, tall, charming, quite chivalrous, knew 10 different languages, and basically was perfect.
Her parents and friends called out a warning, but she didn't listen. So she allowed herself to be whisked away by the charming bi-pedal monster whom she thought was going to stay. But eventually she found out that this monster was just...passing by.
Within minutes, it was gone.
She tried to be happy again. She bought new clothes, a hundred new ponies, and a new set of pens...but nothing made her sadness go away.
So on a night when the sky was a sea of blue sprinkled with stars, the princess looked out her window and made a wish.
There was a princess who wished that happiness was really just ...two kinds of ice cream ...having five different crayons ...catching a firefly (then setting him free)
There was a princess who wanted happiness to just be ...sharing a sandwich ...finding a pencil ...pizza with sausage (and extra cheese too)
There is a princess who dreamt that happiness was plainly ...telling the time ...learning to whistle ...climbing a tree
She said that if it were, then she'd probably be happy 24/7, and to be quite honest, that option sounded very appealing to her.
But just like every fairytale, at the beginning...not all wishes come true. Truth is, happiness insn't really all just that.
Then she remembered that someone told her "it's the small things that matter", but really when big drama pulls people in...sometimes it's the big kind of happiness that gets them out. Right?
So she thought that if happiness were really just...
...two kinds of ice cream ...having five different crayons ...catching a firefly (then setting him free)
...sharing a sandwich ...finding a pencil ...pizza with sausage
...telling the time ...learning to whistle ...climbing a tree
...then it would be present all the time. The princess realized then that, that kinda sucked. She felt that it would make people appreciate things less, and more difficult to count their blessings. So she wanted to take back her wish, and wanted happiness to come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.
She wanted happiness to be ...dancing in the rain ...falling in love three times as hard and being loved back in return ...getting a promotion ...having a new member in the family ...having perfect health ...acceptance, and letting go.
And like in all fairytales...in the end, her wish was granted.
So she danced in the rain, fell in love three times as hard with a man who loved her back, became queen, gave birth to a child who was very healthy, and accepted that the bi-pedal monster who broke her heart was never going to come back.
And the princess lived happily ever after.
The end.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Psssst...guess who the princess is.
Well at least up to the part before she wishes the second time around.
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
Title: There's nothing better than "I'd like that"
Yesterday, as it was, I stared at the monitor of the computer in my parents' private little nook in their room as I sipped on a new found comfort drink: Starbucks' Praline Christmas Coffee. They took out my favorite of them all (Peppermint obviously (oh me and my mint (wow! Ang daming parenthesis))). They replaced it with Dark Mocha Cherry (which receives a perfect 5 star grade from me), but since a wave of impulsiveness hit me right as I stepped into the famous coffee shop...I chose the former. It turned out to be a pretty good choice. I sort-of forgot how it tasted, but I was sure I tried it out before. Weird how once it hit my taste buds, it seemed as if I've never tasted it before. Did they change the recipe? Hmmmm.
It was a calming experience. Therefore I thought of making it my new comfort drink. But all of a sudden, a damned thought forms in my mind: "What if I need to be comforted during January through October? Is it only from November to mid January that I will be assured of some sort of serenity?" Then I was relieved when I realized that I'll always have my mother's special hot chocolate. Now THAT is big hugs and kisses, cheers and unconditional love, laughter and peace all stirred in one drink. It never fails to cheer me up when I'm sick or sad. Never.
The truth is it seems as if that at present, I am needing a lot of Praline Christmas Coffee/Mum's special hot chocolate. I hate that I know that bit of information. I guess I'm just tired of doing nothing, and thinking of everything at the same time, and I'm nervous for my NMAT test because that will deem my future. My body clock pa is all messed up! Hahaha haay buhay. Baggage ++
I'm not really making any sense right now, I just really felt like blogging and coffee was the first thing that entered my head. Weird because we did a lot today that's quite worth blogging about.
Anyway... OH OH OH, a short letter only V and I can quite understand:
Dear you,
I think you're amazing. Really, I do. Although I'm not sure that what I feel towards you is the good kind...but I do believe that you deserve it. The good kind of amazing I mean.
With Love,
Me
P.S. Believe me when I say that this letter is NOT Romantic in any way. Right V?
What a girl wants what a girl needs whatever makes me happy sets you free.
Title: The best soy latte you've ever had... and me
What's been on repeat? Here it is. An oldie...but a goodie :)
Now that she's back in the atmosphere With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey She acts like summer and walks like rain Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey Since the return from her stay on the moon She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Tell me did you sail across the sun Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star One without a permanent scar And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
Now that she's back from that soul vacation Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, um She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day And head back to the Milky Way And tell me, did Venus blow your mind Was it everything you wanted to find And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day And head back toward the Milky Way
Tell me did you sail across the sun Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded And that heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star One without a permanent scar And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself Na na na na na na...
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
I lose myself everytime I hear the first notes of this song.
Here's the thing about this amazing song. It's a mixture of everything positive like happiness and hope, wonder and wandering, curiosity (not the type that kills the cat) and camaraderie, greatness and sublimity (I just love this word. haha). But at the same time, there's a mixture of negativity like fear, helplessness, and sadness.
Although this is so, they aren't the type of negativity that brings you down, and makes you want to kill yourself. They're the easy breezy type like... when you're sad because something is so beautiful. Have you ever felt that? Being sad because of beauty? I have. It's weird, but I've felt it a couple of times.
Then there's the feeling of being helpless. Like sadness, helplessness comes in various forms. It annoys the crap out of me when I can't control the outcome of the situation. Almost always, I'd like to know what's about to hit me and when I don't I get the worst kind of palpitations. But there's a kind of helplessness present that you should allow to consume you. By doing this, you leave space for someone to help you out. We all know that there are some things we can't fix ourselves and if we're too proud about it, no one's going to notice that you actually need assistance.
Lastly, there's fear. There's a type of fear you feel, because of change (may it be sudden or gradual) or because of something new. Like a new job, or a new semester in school, or when you're nominated for student body president and they're about to announce the winner... You fear the unkown, but there's a beauty in the unkown. It's not knowing the outcome. Doesn't that make it all the more exciting? Doesn't getting a raise, or receiving a 4.0, or hearing your name in the PA system after the words Student body president make it all the more worth the overtimes, sleepless thesis nights, and campaigning? At the same time if you don't get the best of the situation, it isn't all that bad. It's the type you get over in a month or a couple of hours, and you realize that there's something better out there for you. You realize that there's still hope. Which makes this fear pretty cool.
So the thing about this song is, for me it's complete because of it's incompleteness. It's a load of mumbo jumbo words mixed together, but it actually makes total sense once you listen to it after a thousand times and read the lyrics carefully.
So the thing about me is, I am a wanderer and I am incomplete.
I want drops of jupiter in my hair, and I wanna fall from a shooting star. I wish I could act like summer and walk like rain!!!! I want a soul vacation SO BAAAAD, and I want to trace my way to the constellation as well. I'd love to be sweeped off my feet by anything wonderful, and I'd be honored to dance along the light of day. I never want to be the man who was afraid to fly and never did land. I want to sail across the sun I want the WHOLE BRIDGE OF THE SONG... ... and I really, truly, absolutely want to find myself over and over, and again and again.
And after I've done all these things...I'd want it to be everything I wanted to find.
Train did a great job while writing this song.
Like I said in the beginning: I lose myself whenever I hear the first notes of this song, and as the 4 minutes and 16 seconds of the tune comes to an end...I find myself again.
Now, do you want to get lost with me? Na na na na na na :)
I need a fast car (fast car) Candy coated red Drive me all night and park it in my bed I need a fast car (fast car) I wanna see it zoom Racetrack waiting in my bedroom
I've currently been reading The Zahir by Paolo Coelho, and it just gets the old me.
...Fully, completely, entirely, ALL of what used to be me.
It's a miracle that I can put it down to do my daily tasks and attend to my business.
A few lines:
"What is freedom?" (p.8)
"I fought- although without success- for the girl I was in love with... I fought against the hostile world of journalism... I fought for the love of my first, second, and third wives. I fought to find the courage to leave my first, second, and third wives, because the love I felt for them hand't lasted, and I needed to move on, until I found the person who had been put in this world to find me- and she was none of those three." (p. 9)
p. 11
"For a while, I'll think obsessively about her, I'll become embittered, I'll bore my friends because all I ever talk about is my wife leaving me. I'll try to justify what happened, spend days and nights reviewing every moment spent by her side, I'll conclude that she was too hard on mye, even though I always tried to do my best. I"ll find other women. When I walk down the street, I'll keep seeing women who could be her. I'll suffer days and nights, night and day. This could take weeks, months, possibly a year or more.
Until one morning I"ll wake up and find I'm thinking about something else, and then I'll knkow the worst is over. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It's happened before, it will happen again, I'm sure. When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive- I'll find love again." (p. 14-15)
"I know that freedom has a high price, as high as that of slavery; the only difference is that you pay with pleasure and a smile, even when that smile is dimmed by tears." (p.10)
I'm not even halfway through, because I would read my favorite school book (A history of the world by Perry) in between just for fun. I've always loved history for some reason. World history in particular.
I shallnow get back to my reading.
Tomorrow's another day, and that excites me =)
Say goodbye, these days are gone And we can't keep holding on. When all we need is some relief Through these hard times.
"As it happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for more than a moment. And sound stopped and movements stopped for much much more than a moment. And then... the moment was gone." -Lucas Scott (OTH)
JEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!
4 more days. I'm so excited. I wish I could stay for the whole time. There's really no place I'd rather be. I really can't wait!!! I'm pretty excited, to the point that I'm having slight palpitations...the good kind :) Oh me and my palpitations. I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!!!!!
I just want to tell you as well...I'm yours. Truly yours :) And I know I'll never regret saying that.
I'm yours Jess.
Basta Ikaw.
Basta Ikaw talaga.
You and I will travel far together. We'll pursue our little star together.
On dreaming when you were five...and dreaming again right now.
1:05 AM - Thursday, October 16, 2008
Title: On dreaming when you were five...and dreaming again right now.
Do you remember the time when you were 5 years old (or younger), and you had a dream. It was the very first dream you could actually formulate in your newborn mind and for you it was the best darn dream you could ever have. It was the purest of the pure...and if you think about it right now you'll probably realize that it was the most far fetched, craziest, most outrageous dream you've ever desired, yet in your heart you believed that you could actually really have that dream or be that dream. You could taste it in your mouth and grab it by the hands as if it were right beside you.
When I was 7... I had a family friend who was diagnosed with cancer at the young age of 8. His name was Mico, and at that time he was really one of my best guy friends. He was very thoughtful, and loving, and fun to play power rangers with.
One day we visited him in the hospital and found him in the ICU. I could see him through the glass window in his isolated quarter. He was unconcious or probably sleeping, and to me he looked so different. All I knew was he was sick with cancer, but had absolutely NO IDEA what that was. He was frail and looked so much older. I could even see the scar on the back of his neck due to his operation.
There was only one other man in the room with Mico, and he was wearing a white coat. I turned to my mum who was beside me and asked who that man was. She looked down at me, and this is what she said: "That's Mico's doctor. He's going to cure Mico."
From then on I wanted to be a doctor. I dreamed of wearing the white coat and planned to heal my friend. As I got older different specializations were attached to my dream.
When I was in grade 6 I wanted to be a surgeon.
When I stepped into college after taking up BIOPSYCH, I wanted to be a neurosurgeon.
Now that I have graduated, it hasn't changed. I still want to be a neurosurgeon...and a damn good one if it's possible.
But like I said, that wasn't my very first dream.
When I was 5... I wanted to be a popstar.
I wanted to have a gazillion of fans, a double, tripple and all the "ipples" imaginable million peso selling album. I idolized Manelyn Reynes (is that how you spell her name?!) in all her ummm...singing sensation. But the real reason for wanting to be a popstar was because I loved to sing. I started singing songs by Jose Mari Chan during my 4th birthday. I sang "Please be careful with my heart" to my mum, and she cried like a baby.
Ever since then the mic was an extension of my hand.
As I got older I upgraded my popstar status to broadway diva extraordinaire thanks to Eponine's fantastic performance in "Les Miserables" and Kim and Ellen's duet in "Miss Saigon".
Until now musicals are my true love.
Still that wasn't my very first dream. This was my first...
When I was 3... I wanted to be a mermaid.
Go on...laugh it off :) Done?
Come on! If you were born in the year of 1987, have watched "The Little Mermaid", and is actually a girl...you have got to admit that Ariel was way cool with her flaming red hair, green flippery tail, and her voice of an angel. PLUS, she was a princess! When did you not want to ever be a princess and a mermaid at the same time?! My cousins and I would pull our legs into the pillow sheet so we would have flippers as well, and we would pretend to be Ariel in that "rock scene" as the electric fan blew air through our hair.
Haha Another bonus was having Flounder as a pet. From then on I've always had fish for a pet. Until I got older and couldn't stand the smell of them when they died.
My point is, we all have our crazy, fantastic, stellar dreams. Sometimes our very first dream is still what we want the most (Notice how farfetched it really is in the beginning). But as we grow older, we realize that those dreams are actually really crazy and unachievable. I realized that I couldn't actually just sprout a tail and gills all in one night. It dawned on me that there were millions of other girls just like me who wanted to be in a band and be a famous popstar. Yet these dreams remain in us and appear in small doses.
I've entered the real world and have decided to stick to my dream of becoming the worlds best neurosurgeon. Service and Passion for others. But I still love to belt out a tune or two whenever there are parties, get togethers, and mini-concerts. I pretend to win a grammy or two when I'm in the shower (The shampoo bottle was my grammy). I still absolutely adore the beach, and the bathtub, the rain and... basically water.
Sometimes...okay most of the time I still catch myself daydreaming of singing on a stage to a crowd that draws close to a billion. Whenever I want to get away from the world, I still silently wish that I were a mermaid swimming into the depths of the deep blue. It's good to escape the world once in awhile especially when there's too much going on. Remembering your first dreams and ambitions gives you something to laugh about. We should all try it once in awhile.
Ask yourself: What was the first dream I've ever conjured in my head? Then ask yourself where you are right now. More often than not, you find little joys in small things like these. And when you'rereally lost...sometimes you truly find yourself again all because of that crazy dream you had when you were 5.
In a place that won't let us feel. In a life where Nothing seems real. I have found you.
